Breaking Old Patterns, Weaving New Ties: Alliance Building

by Margo Adair & Sharon Howell

To equalize power among us, we need to keep ourselves in check in whatever ways we have privilege. Despite our best intentions we find, more often then not, that we duplicate the patterns of power we find so abhorrent in dominant culture. Privilege is invisible to those who have it. To create a context which embraces diversity, in which no one is marginalized, a conscious and ongoing effort is required. By noticing and changing what we take for granted, we make room for everyone's contribution.

Contents
  1. Breaking Old Patterns Constricted Culture 
  2. The “Outsiders” 
  3. The Schism 
  4. Protecting Privilege 
  5. Guilt 
  6. Economic and Technological Thinking
  7. Weaving New Ties 
  8. Opening the Context 
  9. Politics of Principle 
  10. At the Base of Our Relations
  11. Nurturing Our Relationships 
  12. Keeping Competition in Check 
  13. Equalizing Relations: a Checklist 
  14. Clarifying Conflict 
  15. Constructive Criticism


    This list is offered as a way to help privileged group members reflect on their own behavior:

Do take responsibility to learn about the history, culture and struggles of other groups as told by them. 

Do make sure the context welcomes everyone's voice and listen.  

Do appreciate efforts to point out mistakes. (You must be doing something right, or no one would bother to tell you what's wrong.)  

Do address the many dimensions of accessibility, e.g. money, transportation, child-care and language.  

Do expect discomfort when relating to people different from yourself.  

Do remember that others speak about more than the conditions of their own group.  

Do take responsibility for equalizing power.  

Do name dominating behavior when you see it.  

Do ask questions.  

Do struggle over matters of principle.  

Do respect disagreements.  

Do make accessible all information and so others can decide if they are interested.  

Do appreciate the risk a person takes in sharing their experience with you.  

Do take risks.  

Do trust others

 Don't interrupt.  

Don't unilaterally set the agenda.  

Don't assume you're more capable.  

Don't assume anyone is more "suited" for anything.  

Don't assume someone is exceptional compared to the "average" person of their group.  

Don't assume an individual speaks for or has the same opinions as others from their group.  

Don't reduce difficulties to personality conflicts.  

Don't assume the root of a problem is misunderstanding or lack of information.  

Don't ask others to explain, prove, or justify themselves. 

Don't expect to be treated as an individual outside of your group's history.  

Don't take up all the space or always speak first.  

Don't ignore or minimize differences by emphasizing similarities.  

Don't defend mistakes by focussing on good intentions.  

Don't take everything personally.  

Don't assume everyone has the same options you do.  

Don't expect to be trusted.